Advice on Going from Survival to Success for the "Instant Generation."



Day 74: Is it Sucess or Excellence?


We have all seen the “Iceberg Illusion” related to so many things, but I like this particular one related to success.


I have not written in a while, again. Sorry. To be honest with you, I have been at the failure stage of this “success journey” for a long time. I thought; well, everyone goes online to escape reality, why would anyone want to read about my current failure stage? So, you may not want to, and that’s fine you can stop here if you would like, but, I promise you I actually have something significant and ((((gasp)))) positive that I have been learning through this time.

I have been job searching for over a year and a half–I have had only one promising lead–which fell through because of lack of funding. I have been applying for jobs five days a week, and I am becoming more and more drained by my circumstances. Some days, I come home and just cry. My mind has a field day with me. I hear the lies of my past the realities of the statistics for people with disabilities in the workforce and I feel the crushing weight my daily routine. As of late, I have been really struggling to find any meaning in what I do on a regular basis. Outside of my faith, the only thing that fills me with any kind of residual hope and strength is getting to see the man I love slowly bring his dreams to fruition.

Almost two weeks ago I came home emotionally drained, so drained I nearly fell back into an old habit. One that I know would have achieved nothing, except; maybe temporary emotional relief. I got through the night with the help, not some friends and my boyfriend. The next morning, somehow, I woke up with the determination to do things differently. I’m not sure where that reserve of courage came from, but I am thankful for it even now. That morning, I listened to a chapter of a book called Kingdom Woman by Tony Evans and Krystal Evans Hearst. The chapter I listened to happened to be on being “a Woman of Excellence.”

This chapter made me think, should I be pursuing success at all? In seeking success am I asking God for gold and riches, rather than Solomon’s right request of wisdom? Should I instead be pursuing excellence? The author’s of Kingdom Woman define excellence as something that is available to all not all just a select few; like success. Excellence is not concerned with how you compare with others [Excuse me while a colossal weight gets lifted off my shoulders!] but it is concerned with your individual potential and who you are supposed to be. Who you and I were meant to be; not anyone else. Here is my favorite part: EXCELLENCE IS NOT PERFECTION!! Excellence is doing all you can with all you have at that moment.

Here is the part where I think living a life of excellence is like Solomon asking God to grant him wisdom above riches and prestige–and then God giving him everything in the end. Excellence like wisdom is not merely a one time gift that we all have access to but, as the authors of Kingdom Woman go on to say, “excellence shows up more in the smaller things than, the bigger things. It is a pattern. It is a lifestyle.” Excellence may not always be as recognizable to people as success, but I believe it is a worthwhile pursuit. If only for my own wellbeing to know that I did my best and put excellence into everything I did.


Day 47: Constuctive Critisim Vs. Being ” Cut Down” with a Smile and It Begins Again


Devalued in an Instant

I do my best at everything I do. I am not lazy, and I work hard to do my best at everything that I am given to do as a person, friend, family member, and as an employee. The last couple of weeks has been really difficult at work. This week topped the cake. On Monday I was assigned a project that was due by Wednesday morning. I was not given the appropriate tools to complete the task, and I knew because of difficulty with the dexterity in my hands that the task, although not difficult, would be time-consuming for me and that I would need more time or assistance to complete the task. When my supervisor emailed me to tell me about the change in the project and the new deadline I immediately responded saying that I would do the best I could but that I may have difficulty. Well, my supervisor came out of her office like a ball of fire and said to me out in the open, “If you can’t do this then I will just do it. I’m not telling A that this can’t be done.”

Needless to say, I was humiliated and was not given the opportunity to explain why I would have difficulty with the task or given a chance to offer suggestions on how the situation could be handled. I attempted to do the project in the time constraints but needed help, got visibly overwhelmed (I should have controlled my emotions better and kept a professional demeanor; I admit that.), and missed the deadline by an hour and a half. That lead to a meeting between my supervisor and the CFO.

During the meeting, they did tell me that I should have handled myself with more professionalism. I will give them that. As a matter of fact, I have already spoken with a friend of mine who is a long time HR professional and asked about ways to hide my emotions better while working; even when I am overwhelmed. I was given some really awesome tips.

  1. Deep Breathe
  2. Tell one of your co-worker’s you trust that you need to step away from your desk, go to the restroom, breathe, throw cold water on your face and come out composed.
  3. Hold it together until you get home (funny thing, so many people have said; don’t take work home with you…)

During the same meeting, they both spoke to me like I was incapable because I had difficulty with that particular project. The CFO even went on to say that I thought too much of myself and my capabilities. It was all said with a beautiful smile on their face. The signal to me was that they don’t value the other work I have put in, and I need to get out of here. I love many of my co-workers, but the top executives are clueless on the impact of their words and actions on their employees. I am not the only one here who has felt this way. So, I did two things today:

One, I gave my supervisor, the CFO and the “Interim” HR director a written letter stating the limitations because of my disability and a list of suggested accommodations (with medical documentation) asking them to engage in the interactive accommodation process. This happened to make it all official and “On paper.” I have discussed my accommodations with them all on multiple occasions, and they have all said things were fine. But, when I tried to engage in a conversation about the difficulty I would have in completing I was shut down and then insulted when the project was not down in their time constraints. Two started looking for better jobs and fixing my resume.


Day 43: Flipped Schedule, Early Morning Accomplishments, and Becoming Director


Quiet Hours and Coffee = Action

My flipped schedule completely started yesterday. I will admit, I did not make it to the gym last night. In its place I made shrimp stir-fry. I won’t make it to the gym tonight either given I have small group, but I will get back on track Saturday.

My morning hours, however, have proven beneficial. Today, I reached out to four prospective clients. Just so you are not freaking out, I am not calling these people at 4:30 in the morning. That would be wrong and kill my business prospects. My first “reach-out to people has been through e-mail or Facebook Messenger. I’m not sure if this will be as effective as I am hoping. I will let you all know as time goes on. I want this to be effective enough, that by the end of this month I can reach director status…that requires eight enrollees. I really feel this push to get it done. (I think the $500.00 guaranteed commission is propelling me slightly). It amazes me how I have gone from, “I can’t do this,” to “I want to be a director by the end of the month,” simply because I watched someone else make a decision, stick to it, work at it and succeed.

I am also loving the time I am having to spend in devotional time and prayer before I even start my day. Being able to read scripture and pray has filled me with a peace that has been a struggle to have. When I read that God wants to meet my needs so that I can be generous to those in need I feel like I am on a mission to be a success so that I can be a blessing. After all, being a blessing to others is a proper response after I have been blessed beyond what I deserve.



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