I did not want to come to work today. I have been in a wrong frame of mind for a few weeks now, and pulling myself out of it has been so difficult. Thankfully, I have such incredible support from my family, church friends and, of course, amazing boyfriend. Often, I have wished I could just pull through all the painful, annoying and frustrating things on my own. I keep fearing that I am burdening people with my stuff. I know when I start believing that lie I need help getting things stabilized again. So, I’m getting professional help again. This morning after my alarm went off I just cried. I was reminded of past mistakes, and the feeling of being undervalued at work made me consider just staying in bed.
I decided, however, that I would get up, spend time reading Scripture and focusing on doing work for Melaleuca. I am so determined to enroll eight clients this month. I have been reading through the Psalms in the morning. All three Psalms today were about how the fool, wicked, deceitful, etc. say in their heart there is no God. Often times, when I look at my life, it seems those that have caused do much pain has gotten away with it, they have faced no consequences and have left me trying to rebuild from ashes. But, all of these Psalms reminded me that people may think they are getting away with things and I may never see them suffer for their injustices but that doesn’t mean that God is condoning any of it. These Psalms gave me great peace. I also asked God for strength and protection. Recently, to heap difficulty on top of my situation a former ex (who, if he would dare to be evaluated would quickly be diagnosed as a sociopath) had been harassing me through multiple phone calls from various numbers. I fixed the situation a best I could, but I still asked God for peace and protection. For now, I can only hope that this is an ending so I can continue to have new beginnings.
I am glad I had the strength to come to work because my friend Gregg and his Barbershop quartet showed up to work to serenade me. Everyone at work thinks a certain someone was behind the arrangement. Those who know where the credit belongs know, but I wasn’t going to correct anyone!!