Sometimes we not only look for our career success to be “instant,” but we think that other transformations will be “instant” as well. One of the areas of my life that I wish would change instantly are my negative thought patterns and my knee-jerk responses.
Today was a really difficult day for me. Work was slow moving because I had very little to do. Then, while I was at work, I received a very negative personal call. By the end of my work day, I was near tears and wondering if anything I was doing was worth it. After work, I tried to pick up my medicine and found out that none of my insurances would pick it up, again. The same questions that devalue me swirled around in my brain. (Why am I here? Am I doing anything to help my workplace? Are things going to get better, or is that just a statement of false hope? Am I ever going to reach independence, have a family or should I just give up? Am I going to pay for my mistakes for the rest of my life or will God be merciful and bless me?) Once those thoughts get swirling around it’s like getting caught in an undertow. Usually, I would be caught in that undertow for a while, but I decided to think about the sermon I heard this past Sunday and let God pull me out of the undertow.
This Sunday the sermon was about Jacob and the way that God transformed him and can transform us. Granted, hearing that transformation process was encouraging but what I found especially helpful today was that Jacob’s transformation process wasn’t “instant.” It happened over decades. Jacob also made many mistakes; he was a con man; he took advantage of his brother to obtain his brother’s birthright. God blessed him. It wasn’t instant. He faced consequences, for a time he felt like he was in a dark, scary place without God. In that dark, hopeless place God showed up, and Jacob began to change. Jacob’s transformation from the one who wrestles to the one who wrestles with God (Israel) was gradual, but, it happened.
God will transform my mind; He has already begun the process. He will transform my life; He has already begun. Once I grabbed ahold of that, my day ended well. I got to spend time going over my presentation with my mentor for Melaleuca. I am finally working up confidence enough to make calls and I have a few people that I will have appointments with soon. Going over the presentation with him made me feel like I can do this presentation on my own, making it more personal. He was so encouraging. Then I listened in on our training call and was even more encouraged that if I keep working hard I can reach my goals. Good ending to a bad Monday.