As you know, it is a goal of mine to meditate daily. For years, I was against this practice; mainly because it felt weird and I was scared that it was against my faith. It still feels weird sometimes, other times it is really hard for me to focus. I have grown enough in my faith to know, now, that meditation is not against my faith; as long as I am focusing on the right thing.
I use the “Calm” application that can be found in the iTunes app store or Google Play. Yesterday I attempted to do the daily meditation which attempted to get me to relax and “let go of time” for a misally ten minutes. I failed a few times. All the things I needed to do, people I needed to talk to, places I needed to get to, ran through my head so many times. It took enormous effort to pull my mind back to my breathing and keep it from running back to the lists of things that needed to be done.
I happened to talk to a person who is mentoring me on how to become successful at marketing and advertising for an online health company that I am working with on a part-time basis. I am having a harder time with this job than I thought I would. I love the products and the company’s values are outstanding, yet; when it comes to talking to people about it this overwhelming fear surges up within me. It’s so annoying. Well, my mentor pointed out the obvious, when we talk to people about something we are passionate about; the last thing we want to hear is a “no.” It’s a mini rejection, but a rejection nonetheless. I hate rejection and have never handled it well.
Today I meditated on managing stress through dealing with strong emotions. I actually did better with this than I thought. The emotion that popped up was fear. Fear is a huge controlling emotion for me. Fear leads me to shut down for days sometimes. Rejection, leads to fear for me. Logically, I know that when people say they are not interested in the company they are not rejecting me, but; it sure feels the same! This made me realize that this part-time job is actually going to force me to find my value in who God says I am; not my accomplishments…or in this case enrollees.